Postpartum Anxiety

Postpartum anxiety does not get as much attention as postpartum depression, but it is a very real phenomenon in a new mother’s life. It is easy to discount this mental health issue because it seems normal that a new mom would worry. I remember thinking that it is normal to worry. Then I started to become more and more aware of my worries and realized that my thoughts could not possibly be normal anymore. I obsessed about how clean the baby things were getting. I would clean constantly! I started to convince myself that people were out to hurt my baby and I had to protect her. I remember thinking strange thoughts like my baby must be upset with me or not like me when she would cry and cry-as babies sometimes do. I was originally able to sleep when my baby slept, which is great and encouraged, but at about 6-8 weeks postpartum, I experienced this surge in energy but I was just not sleeping! I would stay awake most of the night and day. I don’t even remember when I would sleep. I just remember telling my husband that I just COULDN’T sleep. I won’t even get started on my obsessive “what if” thoughts that would just escalate until I was in tears and in a frenzy. My husband even started to worry about me!

I started to do some research. I was so perplexed because I didn’t feel depressed. I didn’t feel trapped or the need to run away. I didn’t feel angry with my husband, or sad, or lost or any of the feelings one reads about or hears about regarding PPD. Quite the contrary, I felt so attached and devoted to my new little family that I was on hyper drive worrying about us. My mind was just racing ALL THE TIME.

I finally spoke to my husband and a few close friends. After a couple of weeks, I started speaking with a therapist. I think that it is important to remember that even though motherhood is amazing and one of the most important roles ever, it is hard but women should not be suffering. Women need to be supported and cared for as they support and care for the new blessing in her life. I hope that having experienced this condition and still managing the emotional and hormonal fluctuations that come with pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, and working outside the home, will allow me to help any new moms around me.

Surprisingly, postpartum depression and anxiety is even higher in developing countries. According to the website Wellcome Trust, an estimated 20-30% of new mothers in developing countries and they say that, “while it might seem anomalous to look at postnatal depression in developing countries, where other health problems seem so compelling, it is likely that these are precisely the places where mental health problems are likely to be at the worst – and contributing significantly to the severity of other health problems.”

http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english-1

http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-difference-between-postpartum-depression-normal-new-mom-stress?fb_ref=wp

http://www.postpartumprogress.com/6-surprising-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-and-anxiety?fb_ref=wp

http://www.wellcome.ac.uk/News/2004/Features/WTD006153.htm

Leena's Birth Day

My Water Broke!  

I got up at 4 am to go pee and I felt a lot of liquid running down my legs. I froze and then I realized that my water must have broken. I started to cry! I thought, "The baby HAS to come today!" I woke up my husband and told him my water broke. I was worried that I wouldn't start contracting because it didn't happen right away. About 4:15 or so, I started feeling what felt like period cramps. By about 5:45, I started early labor. I called the doctor's office and they told me to go straight to the maternity ward. I showered and got my stuff together. My grandma drove us to the hospital at about 8 am. 

Getting to the Hospital

My husband and I walked in and took the elevator to the 5th floor. We saw a nurse in the elevator and she was surprised that we hadn't taken a wheel chair! We checked in at the nurse's station. Soon we were in our room and my doctor came in. We talked about using an epidural and pitocin. Even though I thought I would avoid them, I decided to go ahead and use them. Actually, my doctor was kinda adament about using pitocin since my water had already broken.

Labor and Delivery

The nurse put in the hook up for IV just in case. My doctor came to check on me a few times. At around 4pm they started the IV and gave me the epidural. I was sooooo scared during the epidural. I cried! They even let my husband stay with me in the room! I thought that I wouldn't be able to move at all, but even though I felt numb and no pain (except for the IV!) I was able to move my legs! The pitocin seemed to kick in quickly. I was ready to push by 8:30 PM! Active labor was hard because I was so anxious. My long time friend, Ana came to my room at about 3 PM and stayed until after 11 PM! Leena was born at 9:18 PM. 

The pushing part was the best because I was more focused and less nervous. Ana kept reminding me not to push with my face! Good thing, too! I kept forgetting! Astar, my nurse was a great coach! She is so sweet! She taught me how to push! My doctor arrived a little before 9 and took over. Astar noticed that I had a slight temperature (99 degrees) by feeling inside me! I was so surprised that she could tell I had a fever that way that it distracted me from feeling scared about the fact that I was running a fever to begin with! After Leena was born, my temperature was 100 degrees. They gave me an antibiotic and the temperature went down a short while later, thank God!

The nurse or the doctor said that Leena sounded a little strange so they called the NICU doctors to work on her. They were only 5 feet away from me! My husband looked so scared! Ana and my husband stayed near Leena while the doctors pounded on her back and did some other things to her. In the meantime, I was delivering the placenta and getting a few stitches because I tore a little. Thank God, Leena was able to stay with us in the room instead of having to be taken to NICU. Whatever the NICU doctors did, seemed to work, thank God. 

Breastfeeding: Take One!

Ana asked the nurse if she would bring Leena over to me so that we could try breastfeeding. Leena took to breastfeeding right away, thank God! It was amazing! She sucked on the left side for about 20 minutes and then on the right for about 10 minutes. After that, Astar took her to get washed up. Ana left at about 11:30 and then my mom arrived a short while later. I got up to go pee and get cleaned up a bit. By midnight we were in the postpartum room. Wow! What a day! Thank God for everything.

Reflection

I am so grateful for the way the delivery unfolded. I researched birthing centers and drug free deliveries, but I was too anxious to follow that path. I thought that I would feel really bad about not delivering my baby more "naturally" but I am just so grateful that there weren't any serious complictions to feel bad. I was actually quite scared about delivering in the States because I had read such horrible birthing stories. I was scared about having an emergency c-section or taking the epidural. I definitely did not anticipate getting any pitocin. I was especially scared about having my preferences respected. Fortunately, the hospital I chose for delivery is very mother/baby friendly. They want to keep mom and baby together as much as possible and support breastfeeding. My baby stayed by my side from the moment she was born. They even accommodated my husband. He was changing diapers and bringing her to me for feedings from the moment she came into our world! 

I did not receive any samples of formula when we took Leena home! And they provided access to not just one, but THREE lactation consultants during our hospital stay. Not to mention a few free sessions with them as well as access to free breastfeeding support groups. 

"Typical" Dutch Births

I have a Dutch friend here in Tunisia who explained to me that births in the Netherlands occur at home whether you want them to or not! The process for having a hospital birth is a bit complicated. According to Parent's.com, "doctors only intervene in high-risk cases or if complications arise during delivery." Epidurals are dependent on the schedules of the anesthesiologist. However, they do have home care that is covered by insurance to support new mothers. Of course just like anywhere else, each birth is unique.

References:
Schalken, L. (2012). Birth Customs Around the World. Parents. Retrieved from http://www.parents.com/pregnancy/giving-birth/vaginal/birth-customs-around-the-world/.